Trying to not lose it.

I'm basically starting this blog as a healthy way for me to vent, instead of losing my cool and possibly a boyfriend.

I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and I graduated from college 3 months ago. I also have 3 lovely cats. I was lucky enough to get a job straight away, and now I work 40 hours a week at a jewellery component wholesaler, receiving and packing web orders, helping walk-in customers and trying to keep our gemstones, pearls, and silver components all pretty and organized.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend is still trying to live as if I'm home to take care of him. He doesn't notice dirty dishes piling up until he suddenly has no spoons; then, he washes the one he needs. He leaves his dirty socks on the futon, next to the keyboard, and rolling around on the floor collecting cat hair. He's been letting our camp supplies "air out"on the living room floor for two months now. He won't let me throw any of the boxes our appliances have been shipped in, just in case we move in the near future. It's a lot of boxes.

We have a closet that's full of bags. Backpacks, messenger bags, 4 different size duffel bags, bike bags, pannier bags, there's probably a couple of fanny packs squished at the bottom. Whenever I ask to downsize them, I'm told that they're all very useful and we may need them in the near future. It hasn't happened yet.

I'm not allowed to play my music in the apartment. "It sucks". However, it isn't a problem for his music to be playing at top volume at any given time of the day. While I do enjoy the Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin, I'm really not a huge fan of Jimmy Buffet and Godsmack. My requests to turn it down, or switch to something we'd both like, is usually met with him turning up the volume.

I'm well aware I have my own issues as well. I tend to leave tea cups around the apartment, I leave my knitting on the futon, my books are everywhere, and my side of the bed is a disaster zone I spread out a bit. Sometimes I'm too tired to clean up after dinner, and dishes don't get done. Or I leave the leftovers for him to pack up when he gets home from work.

I detest laundry. The one time he trusted me to do it I turned everything pink. Swear to the gods, I've been doing my own laundry since I was 10, and I still don't know how this fabled pink happened. He's never let me live it down.

I'm just getting really tired of being alone, and being responisble for everything all the time. I get up at around 7 in the morning, wash some dishes, make my breakfast, check the weather and head to work around 9. I finish up at work around 6, head home... And get so discouraged upon opening the door to see dust bunnies, dirty laundry, and piled up junk around the apartment. James goes to bed around 6am, wakes up around 2, and does something until I come home, but I haven't figured out just what he does yet. I just want to sit down, have a cup of tea, maybe read a little bit, have dinner, and go work on some jewellery projects. But I can't, because dishes need to be cleaned before I make dinner, the table needs to be cleared to eat, dishes need to be cleaned up after dinner and I barely have enough time to check my facebook before I need to go to bed.

I know I need a change, but I really don't know how to make it happen. What can I really change? Dishes have to get done, food needs to be cooked, kitty litter needs to get changed and the apartment needs to be swept. If I don't do them out of protest, they don't get done.

I'm hoping this blog helps me keep track of everything that happens.